A Wonder Filled Journey

Saturday, September 20, 2014

A Name Change

I have finally made it back to my blog.

I have to remind myself when I last wrote and what about.

As I look over my last post, and how long ago it was written, I begin to familiarize myself with it and start to look around at everything else around it - The colors and background, a picture of me on a tire swing that was taken a LONG time ago when I took a bunch of Jr. Highers to a retreat all by myself (I am a brave and foolish girl!), the names of fellow bloggers I check in with, an adoption timeline that seems like a story from a lifetime ago...

Another thing that captures my eye was the title, "Alaska Girl."

Well that's not true anymore.

I need to change that.

But there is some sadness in changing this title.

It signifies the closing of a chapter in my life.

I remember when I changed from "Oregon Girl" to "Alaska Girl." It felt much the same way. A closing of a chapter.

I loved being Oregon Girl. I started my Oregon adventure at the young age of 21. I remember loading up the U-Haul and driving cross-country to Roseburg, Oregon to start my new adventure. A college grad, a new job, hopes and dreams of what would be and the opportunity to explore and make a new life in a land so much different than my native and beloved Minnesota.

There was the first place, a little 700 sq. ft. white house that was actually ordered from a Montgomery Wards catalog and built in the '40's. A quirky little place, but it was my own first place.

There were trips to the Oregon coast, up the North Umpqua to Diamond and Crater Lake, lots of hiking and exploring. It was a BEAUTIFUL place. Summers of endless sun, much needed after the winters of endless rain. I did miss my snow ever so. Everyone said just drive up into the mountains and you can get your snow fix. But it's not the same as being in your pajamas, drinking your favorite drink, listening to your favorite music and watching the flakes gently float and dance down to the ground from the comfort of your favorite chair.

There was my first office, my first "kids," my first volunteers, my first boss and co-workers. It was a great beginning to my "grown-up" life. I felt adventurous, free and alive.

I lived and loved being Oregon Girl for seven years.

But that chapter closed abruptly when the economy hit and the church could no longer afford all their staff. Two had to be let go. With lots of tears, I was told I was one of the two.

Then I was "In-Between-Girl" for about 5 months.

They were challenging and faith stretching months. It's funny looking back at how dramatic it seemed at the time. I remember feeling so lost and that my world was ending. If only Alaska Girl could have told Oregon Girl that it would all be OK and it would all work out quite well.

But God never lets us know what the future holds. Oh, we want so desperately to know. But in His goodness and grace He only allows us to know right now. During that time, it didn't seem like goodness or a grace, only pure torture. But the truth is, had I know what the next four years would bring, it would have been far too much to download and process. I would have likely, completely, freaked out.

Slowly, piece by piece, He began to illuminate my next steps. Day by day, I got my bearings about me once again. My faith grew and my will be came more surrendered.

I will never forget the day that my district boss called and told me he gave my name to a pastor in Alaska. My first response, internally, was, "Oregon Girl does NOT want to be Alaska Girl." But after lots of conversations, tears and prayers, my apprehension grew into anticipation.

The anticipation of a new chapter, new adventures, a new home, a new set of "kids" and volunteers, a new boss and co-workers, new hopes and dreams.

So once again, I loaded up a U-Haul with all my earthly possessions and began a new, even more extreme adventure north. The first stop, a shipping yard, to load my things from the U-Haul into a shipping container, that Lord willing, would get my stuff up the Pacific Coast to the little island in SE Alaska that I would soon call home.

Through lots of adventures unlike I had ever experienced: mountain hikes, remote places, float planes and helicopters, fish, eagles and bears - Oh MY! - new friends and coworkers that would become family and getting my first pair of X-Tra Tuf boots, I had become Alaska Girl. I am very proud to say that I was an Alaskan girl and it will always be a special place for me.

After all, it is where I met my husband. Beating all odds, I found a great, godly and normal guy in the land of "the odds are good but the goods are odd." Well, the truth is he found me and fought hard for me. I'm glad he persevered.

We bought our first house there and together made it a home (Scott did most of the renovating, I decorated :).

It is also where we became a family and welcomed to the world our first child, our son. What a memorable day that was.

Somewhere along the way, Alaska Girl became Alaska Woman.

I started my adult journey a very young, naive, inexperienced girl, yet with a faith in God and a teachable spirit. And now 12 years later, I am older, aware of so much more, have books I could write of the challenges and experiences I have faced and a deeper faith in God than I ever knew possible.

So as I write and reflect and think about a new name for this next chapter in my life...I feel the need to retire the title "Girl." It doesn't fit anymore. I grew up being "Minnesota Girl." So that name doesn't seem right anyway - I've already lived that chapter.

And the truth is, I don't want to keep changing the name every time I move. Plus it may get exhausting considering I married a husband with an adventurers heart. We may be moving a lot...

So as I look over what I have written so far, I just keep thinking to myself, what a wonderful journey, what an amazing life. It has been So Much More than I could have ever imagined or thought possible for myself. There are so many places and people along the way where I see God at work and His fingerprints all over the writing of my story thus far. When I take the time to slow down and realize that He is at work, even now, doing the same kinds of things as He has for my whole life, I can only think, "I can't wait to see what is yet to come." I am filled with a sense of awe and wonder for the blessing of life. The blessing of my life. The journey continues. There are many chapters, but One Author (sometimes I try to write my own life, but He reminds me that I surrendered that right a long time ago, plus He is MUCH better at it).

So a fitting name that encompasses the whole journey seems to be A Wonder Filled Journey. A wonder sparked with curiosity of what is to come and reflection of awe and wonderment of what God has orchestrated and done in a way only He can.
On the blah days where my life feels monotonous, if only I would reflect and remember to see that God is always at work using Every Moment of our lives for our good and to bless those around us. He is a GOOD God who writes the best stories.

He invites us everyday to join Him on the journey. A Wonder Filled Journey.

These are just some of my stories and things I learn along the way. You have yours as well.

He is Lord over them all...Thank Goodness!

Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Wynegars Have Landed.

So on November 19th, I blogged about the adventure that God called our family on. In mid October, we packed our stuff said our goodbyes in Ketchikan to all of our dear friends there, not knowing if we would be back or where we would end up.

All we knew is we believed God was calling us to a season of seeking and trusting Him. We believed He was calling us to something different as a family and challenging us to let go of the safe, familiar comforts and trading it for a time of simple living to create more time and space to seek Him.

We started in Oregon and traveled through Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota and ended in Minnesota to spend Christmas with my family. We saw so many dear people along the way. Family, friends, friends who have become family and we have been constantly reminded of how amazingly blessed we are.

To say it was all roses would be untrue. Putting a baby, a big dog and two individuals that are married to each other in a minivan for over 2 months can be challenging, to put it nicely :) And the dog and baby were hardly a challenge! It's the two individuals, emphasis on individuals, that are married that was the challenge :)

But did we grow? Very much.

Do we love each other and appreciate each other more? Resounding Yes.

Would I trade it? Absolutely not.

So we ended up in Minnesota. I think both Scott and I thought that Minnesota would be a final time to reflect, enjoy the holidays with family and at the end of the year, we both thought that is when God would let us know what we were to do and where we were to go. I don't know where we got that idea, perhaps it was because that's when the money would soon be running out so we thought (well, I thought) that would be a good time for God to step in.

Well December 31 came and went.

The first week of January came and went.

By January 9, I was looking at our finances for the hundredth time and I told Scott, "if our house does not sell by the middle of March, we will be completely out of money. That means with time to close, we need to have an offer on our house by tomorrow, January 10. God needs to intervene now or we are going to seriously have to start looking at other options for our house.

So we prayed. We prayed not only that we would get an offer, but we prayed that we would get a full price offer. We decided to be specific in our request. We gave it to God. We had no other choice.

And then we went to a Sportsman show. It was a bit of a distraction from the frustration of not hearing anything from God, no future direction and money running out.

In the middle of the RV section of the sportsman show, we get a phone call from our realtor. He said, "stay by your phone, we have an offer coming in.

Elation, relief and then anticipation.

A couple hours later our realtor called again and said he had an offer.

I held my breath as Scott talked to him saying "ok...uh-huh...interesting...ok...(chuckles)...well, Thanks Bill."

So???

Scott said that we got a full price offer. They would give us our asking price. But they also wanted our table, bed, bedding and the rest of the furniture we had left for staging.

What?

Now some may think, that's awesome.

But I didn't. I was grateful for the full price offer. But wanting the rest of my stuff?

No.

You see, when we started this whole process of leaving Ketchikan, it was a challenge for me to let go of things. For two reasons, it costs too much to move things off an island in SE Alaska and we needed money for our trip, we decided to sell a good chunk of our earthly possessions. Some of the parting was easy and others was difficult. After all, it takes a lot of money and effort to set up a home and we finally had a beautiful home and the stuff to go with it. Now we felt we were being challenged to give it up and follow God. I would like to say I was deeply mature and I was excited for the opportunity...But not always the case. Especially when it came to my furniture. We bought our living room set not even 8 months prior. It was my first ever brand new furniture set and we looked a long time for it and I loved it.

But it didn't make sense to keep it, well at least not to Scott. And he challenged me that it was just stuff and to let it go. But it was hard for me. Because I didn't know the next time we would be able to get a new living room set.

So I prayed. Not the trusting, lovely prayer of faith. I prayed in a whiny voice, "fine God, I will sell my living room set. But I ask that you bring a buyer that will give me about the same price I paid for it."

Now, I don't recommend praying to God like this. Can He handle it? Absolutely. Should I have checked my heart? Yes. It was not a true prayer of surrender. But God is so gracious.

So during our garage sale we sold a lot of our stuff. We made money to fund most of our trip. But there were some things I was not working very hard to sell.
One being my living room set.

A coast guard couple came to the sale and asked if we had any living room furniture. I reluctantly said yes and brought them in the house so they could look at it. It didn't take them long to say it was perfect (of course it was!) and they asked how much? I sheepishly said my price knowing it was high. Because I wanted them to say no. But they didn't bat an eye and said they'd take it. I was floored.

In that moment I felt God say, "see even when you're being a brat, I am faithful. I will take care of you and I am trustworthy."

That was a huge lesson for me.

So you'd think I learned it right?

Not so much.

With that crazy offer on our house, God was testing me and my need for stuff one last time.

You see, I couldn't part with our dining room table that Scott and I picked out together and purchased with wedding money. I couldn't part with our bed. And a couple of other pieces that were sentimental to me. So I kept them.

But when that offer came through, I laughed. God answered our prayer and gave us a full price offer on the last possible day. But I never asked to keep my stuff. Funny one, God.

I do believe that God has a sense of humor. It's just not always funny to me.

Scott was ready to accept the offer, but I was dragging my feet. I didn't want to give up my stuff. We had to give our answer the following Monday. I spent the weekend wrestling with God.

And I have to say that wrestling with God is not very fun, but it is such a good thing.

By Monday, I grieved my table (I know it sounds pathetic) and bed, etc. and agreed that the offer was God's provision. I came to a place of peace and complete trust in God and confessing my attachment to stuff that was more important than God. So we countered the offer saying they could have all the stuff but not the washer and dryer because we didn't intend on selling those with the house.

They countered back that all they really wanted was the washer and dryer and not all the other stuff.

And so we had a deal.

And I cried. Because God is so good. He allows us to grow and learn lessons in trust and sometimes we get the things back that we are called to surrender. Which makes me grateful for the dining table I get to sit at now, instead of feeling entitled to have it.

So our home was sale pending in an emotional answer to prayer, but we still have no direction as to the future and where we should be.

The following weekend, we decided to go to Duluth, MN because Scott couldn't get it out of his mind and he didn't know if it was God doing something.

We drove around the city and prayed. We visited a church there on Sunday and kept praying.

On the ride home, it was pure frustration. Both Scott and I felt it, but in different ways.

Then next day in talking about the experience and what was going on inside us, we sadly ruled out Duluth. We both so badly wanted to make it be the place we would land, mostly because we just wanted to know and anything would do.

We felt we were back at square one.

We didn't talk much the next couple days.

The following Wednesday night Scott said we needed to talk.

So while Xander played with his toys between us on the floor, Scott laid out what he had been processing the last couple days. We talked about the frustration of not knowing, our desires and expectations and what God was calling us to give up. God was telling Scott to let go of Alaska.

Scott has loved Alaska since the first time he went in 1999. It has a special place in his heart.

I think there was a part of both of us that wished God would lead us back to Alaska. But this desire was much greater for Scott. So when God prompted Scott to let go of Alaska, he had to go through his own grieving process.

But once, he let go of Alaska, things became clear.

He told me he believed that Minnesota is the place we are to be. I was shocked. I never imagined we would ever live in Minnesota. I honestly thought we would end up in Montana or back in Alaska.

But before me sat my husband, explaining his journey, the things God was saying to him and the reasons he believed we are to move to Minnesota. Even as I write this I still can't believe Minnesota is home once again.

In obedience, I left 10 years ago. My family released me and I followed God as a single gal with my little dog and lived for Him. And now 10 years later I am back with my husband, son and a different dog than I left with.

Following God is the most wild way to live. It is extremely difficult, confusing and painful at times. But it is the most amazing, freeing and beautiful life. So much more than I could have ever imagined for myself.

I am truly blessed and grateful.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Family Blessings

Being with family for Christmas is such a blessing. One that I don't take for granted because of living far from them for so long. I am grateful for all the people who have become family for me during the Christmases I couldn't make it to Minnesota. Family really is the people who invest in your life and care about you. The definition of family goes beyond just biological. Which is a really good thing for many people as there are many who were not blessed with a positive family life growing up. Me, I am beyond blessed. I have an incredible biological family and family in a couple other states as well.

This Christmas, we were blessed to be with my family in Minnesota. I never really knew our family was unique growing up. I thought everyone loved getting together with their family and enjoyed making memories with them. I have come to learn that what we have in our family is something really special, a blessing indeed.

I have so many memories of family camp outs, holidays at Grandpa and Grandmas, lake parties at the cabin in the summer, fall parties and hayrides, and snow parties with sledding and snowmobiling in the winter (or snow machining for all my Alaska friends :)

This Christmas, I was able to introduce my son to part of his amazing family.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Christmas Reflections of a New Mom

Christmas is a time where I don't feel grown up. I feel like a little kid filled with anticipation for the wonder of Christmas. I would love to say that I think of Christ first at Christmas. I would love to say that I am filled every day with deep gratitude and thoughts only of Him during Christmas. I would love to say that I am not wrapped up in the commercialism of Christmas. I would love to say that I keep Christ the center of Christmas always. But I don't.

But this Christmas was different. You would think being a new mom I would have expected to feel this way. But it still caught me off guard.

Christ coming as a little baby.

Now I have a baby and know the everyday helplessness of a little one as my son depends on me for everything. Jesus was completely dependent on human parents to care for Him. He had to be burped after He ate. He had to figure out how to use His hands and fingers to grab things that He created. The Creator of thousands of languages had to learn himself how to talk. The One who never sleeps had to sleep 16-18 hours a day just to have the energy to grow. The humility of God becoming man in the form of a little, helpless infant took on a whole new meaning for me this year.

Why did He do this? Why did He think it was best to come as a helpless babe?

It just doesn't make sense. I know that we as humans don't see the whole picture. We sure would like to think we do, as we control our own lives and judge what is going on in others lives. We do know that the people of the time of Jesus expected Him to come as a great and mighty King. It made sense to them. I'm sure we'd expect the same thing today. Because God coming to save the world, but coming as a baby just doesn't make sense.

But He must have done it so He would know and experience all of the life that we experience. He knows every challenge we face in our bodies from teething to growing pains, from learning to take first steps to puberty. He understands.

He is not a God that remained untouchable in all His majesty and splendor. He became like us to understand us. All of us. Everything.

Jesus is not only my Savior, but because He grew and lived life as a human, He is my friend.

Luke 2:19 talks about Mary treasuring these things and pondering them in her heart. I think I understand this more for the first time and continue to ponder them in my heart as I watch my little one grow and experience life.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Here, There and Everywhere - Part 2

So far on our trip we have logged well over 4000 miles and counting. Here are a few more things we have been up to...

Xander came with us on our second anniversary date and stole the show with the wait staff and other patrons around us

We got a rare time alone away from the kiddo when Grandma watched Xander for us in Helena

Historic Reeders Alley in Helena. Part of the original mining village which made Helena what it is today

Playing the piano at Aunt Sandy's - Grandma Emmel would be proud!

Many of you have asked how Xander does in the car. Here is a picture of what he does most of the time other than sleep

Many of you have also asked, how do Myron and Xander do together. Well, they never really noticed each other until recently. Now Xander loves his doggie and Myron is still trying to figure out how he feels. But he is very patient as Xander crawls on him

Happy Thanksgiving!

First Thanksgiving feast - pureed sweet potatoes and turkey...

Success!

We Had fun with Grandma Joey doing a family photo shoot

Our time in Billings was filled with visiting family, friends and shopping and my favorite...SNOW!
We got 8 inches of snow in Billings that delayed our trip and my being very sick. But we headed out the next day for a snowy ride to Glasgow.

We met up with more family and Xander got to meet his Grandpa. Here is the three generation photo :)

From there we left Glasgow when it was -32 degrees outside for a COLD trip to Minnesota. Thank goodness that our Oregon van, with no heater block, made it the whole way. There was some creaking and groaning, by car and human alike - but we made it! And more snow! Xander was pretty excited to watch it come down...and so was Mommy!

Playing with Grandpa

Getting so big! I can help myself to toys!

Watching Grandpa in the dress rehearsal of "The Christmas Carol"

Going for Xander's first snowmobile ride!

Meeting uncle Jared for the first time

Monday, November 25, 2013

Hungry

On one of our longer days of travel, we pulled into a parking lot to feed and change Xander. As we pulled into our parking space, I noticed a gal standing in the cold holding a simple sign that said, "hungry."

While Scott was feeding Xander, I took Myron out for a stretch and potty break. As I was walking over to the grass, my eyes went to the lady standing there in a black hoodie and worn jeans.

I felt the Spirit stir inside me and I felt Him challenging me to do something.

When I got back to the car, I asked Scott if he though this town would have a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen. It was just a small town in Montana and I thought it strange for someone to stand with a sign looking for help here. Scott didn't think it likely that there would be any place such as that.

I told him that I thought we should help her and if he thought it would be ok to do so. We are on a tight weekly budget and there is never money left over so I needed to check with him first. He said we could do that and to check to see what she wanted.

There was a McDonald's not too far away. So I walked over to her and asked her if she would like something from McDonald's. She willingly agreed, with a tired and grateful face.

As we walked over to McDonald's, I asked her what her story was. She proceeded to tell me about her difficult circumstances. I am ashamed to admit that I thought, "I wonder if it is true or not or just a wild story to get free handouts." But it doesn't really matter because I felt God nudging me to do something.

We got up to the counter and I told her to order whatever she'd like. She asked if it was OK if she got something for her husband too. I said of course. She ordered a 20 piece chicken nugget and backed away from the counter. I asked if that is all she wanted and that it was totally fine if she wanted more. She ducked her head and ordered two cheeseburgers. I asked if she wanted something to drink and she replied it was not necessary and she didn't want to be a trouble. I said no trouble at all - the drinks are just a dollar. So she ordered two drinks and that was all.

As I paid for the food, I felt the Spirit nudging again and prompting me to pray for her.

You'd think, considering my history, that it would be easy for me to do such a thing. But it's not.

I so very clearly knew it was God asking me to pray for her and I knew I didn't want to regret it.

So I walked over to where she was getting her drinks and asked if it was OK if I prayed for her. Knowing a bit of her story, I began to pray. It felt like the whole restaurant was staring. As I started to talk to God on her behalf, I no longer cared.

As I said goodbye and walked away, I was overcome with emotion.

I got back to the car and relayed the story of what happened to Scott. As we drove away, the gal and her husband were walking across the street from McDonald's. They gave a wave as they held up their bag of warm food up in the air. We waved back.

I will likely never see her again. I don't know her and the little I learned about her may or may not be true. I don't know her heart. There is so much I don't know. It doesn't matter.

What I do know, is that God said to feed her and pray for her.

I think I got emotional because I felt that the interaction was more for me than for her. Living in the moment and listening to God and doing what He lays on my heart to do, is how I long to live. But for so much of my life, I have been so "busy" that I don't hear.

I'm grateful for the lady standing there in a black hoodie and worn jeans. She gave me an opportunity to listen and obey and connect with the heart of God. And I will continue to pray for the lady in a black hoodie and worn jeans, that God will become more alive in her heart as well as in mine.

Everyday is an opportunity to connect with the heart of God and see people. The challenge is actually doing it.